


Faking Life

by anotherbuskitten



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-05
Updated: 2014-01-05
Packaged: 2018-01-07 14:08:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1120777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotherbuskitten/pseuds/anotherbuskitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He is not an angel. But maybe this could work out anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Faking Life

I

He was not an angel, not with his dark eyes and smoke-stained fingers, no Anthony would never be an angel.

He had been Catholic once and he remembered crowding the pews with his siblings. He remembers the slow procession to the altar, the clammy hands of the vicar giving benediction, the tang of communion wine. These things he remembers without prompting but he cannot hear his father’s voice or see his mother’s smile.

He is not, he assures the new vicar, just lapsed. He has no belief left for men in the sky who know everything.

(He doesn’t mention his other memories of church: the blood that looked like wine, the distant screams and silent sobs, the cold metal against his head and the knowledge he hadn’t died.)

((a miracle; the doctor’s called it. As though God really had been there))

He wasn’t lapsed, he said, even as he lifted the bowl to drink.

II

Anthony has no middle name; the J. is put there by his own hand not his parents and it stands for nothing.

In the community he is Crowley: who could charm his was into killing the devil given the right price. But at home he is Anthony: the sharp-minded, god-blessed man with PTSD and no family.

When A. Ziraphale he says the J. stands for James because he feels like a change. To the others in town it is Jackson, except Marie; a nurse he knows too well, who refuses to call him anything but A. J.

Marie is the only other atheist in town. She has thick hair, glinting eyes and a sly smile. She also has a teenage son at university and a tumour growing in her brain.

But neither of them know that yet.

Marie drives a blue bug and plays poker with him when he stays overnight at the hospital.

III

The first time he gets a job since A. Ziraphale came to town he misses three Sundays and feels an ache on his soul.

He tries to make it go but it is complicated from the off: with him and two others aiming to kill.

He was the one to take the shot in the end, while the others (Creed and Betsy), who aren’t the worst people in the business by any means, settle their differences in the back of a rented yellow Vauxhall.

He gets home on a Thursday day afternoon and his fingers shake when he turns on the radio or lights up a cigarette.

He walks past the church and thinks _‘I am not an angel.’_

He thinks _‘If I was a demon wouldn’t it hurt more?’_ and touches the doors for reassurance.

 _‘If I were an angel,_ ’ he says to himself, _‘My wings would be black and ragged and God would not look me in the eyes.’_

The church doors don’t hurt but the knowledge that he doesn’t belong threatens to.

He leaves town and finds a fight in the first bar he comes to.

He finds a client too.

(It is another month before he goes back to the church.)

IV

When he returns there are three atheists in town. Marie’s son, Ethan, has returned for Christmas. All the other children were ‘good Christian children’ or Adam but Anthony avoided Adam as much as possible.

(Crowley thought Adam was cute and full of potential.)

Ethan greets him with a wave and a smile. His hair had grown out since he left and he had new glasses. Marie invites Anthony in to catch up.

There wasn’t much to catch up on. Ethan talked about his classes and Marie talked out work. They were both good enough to pretend they had no suspicions about his job.

They don’t talk about his shaking hands or Marie’s headaches or Ethan’s girlfriend.

Anthony leaves the house with a strong sense of dissatisfaction and goes home.

V

A. Ziraphale stops him after the next Sunday and says he is relieved to see him again. He sounds genuine and he looks older. Anthony James invites him for coffee before he can stop himself.


End file.
